The reason I haven’t told anyone I have a website is pretty simple, actually.
I gave too much of a fuck about what people thought.
I was afraid of being made fun of, like I always am when I tell people about my interests or my hobbies.
You know that panic when someone asks you ‘What do you do for fun?’ and your brain races to come up with a lie because if you tell the truth you know you’ll be laughed at?
If you don’t know that feeling, this post is not for you. In fact, this blog isn’t for you.
Really, it’s for me. But it’s also for those people who know that feeling. It’s for people who spent their lives feeling like garbage because they’ve been told that’s what they are. Who don’t know how to really love themselves because they were only ever taught how to evaluate their worth through grades and terms defined by others.
Giving a fuck what other people think tends to hold you back.
Instead I suggest you give a fuck what you think. It does wonders for your self-esteem.
There’s a difference between needing approval and wanting it. You have to find that balance for yourself.
So, let me introduce myself:
My name is Jad.
My hobbies include doing crossword puzzles, listening to jazz, drinking too much coffee, and watching ‘Star Trek.’
I’m a writer. I’m queer. I identify as a woman, but pronouns don’t really concern me.
I define my own identity as a historian and a journalist, a gamer and an explorer.
I satirize the news because it makes it easier to swallow.
I make jokes. Not always successful jokes, but jokes nonetheless. It’s my purpose in life to make people laugh.
Every day I struggle with anxiety and depression. And, everyday, I’m learning to like myself more and more.
Here’s to a new era of openness.
Here’s to not fucking it up too badly. But, you know….fucking up a bit.